**i wrote this on sept 14, and just now got around to posting.**
did people live healthier lives when they woke up and went to sleep with the sun, doing only the work that was needed for that day? i bet it at least was a whole lot simpler. that's just one of the random thoughts that i have this morning... this 3:51am morning, to be exact.
i've been waking up around 3 or so every morning, hungry and wide awake. usually i just find something to eat and then lay in bed for an hour or so until i fall back asleep, but today i thought i'd try to blog or have a quiet time or something that was more mentally stimulating than laying in bed, wishing i were asleep.
i'm 36 weeks this week. blair thinks the baby is coming early, around 38 weeks. everyone here at camp can't imagine me going to full term, or even later... they say i'm just too big. we'll see though. i'm getting more nervous about the actual birth experience. i suppose that's normal... even Jesus acknowledged that there's a level of sorrow when a woman's time to give birth comes, but thankfully, the joy that comes after replaces any sorrow! (John 16:21).
I'm going to attend a woman's bible study at our church today. It's a study by Dr. David Jeremiah on "Revealing the Mysteries of Heaven". I'm apprehensive about that as well... have I ever told each of you how freaked out I get by eternity? I do. literally. I have severe anxiety attacks and end up crying and hyperventilating if i think about it too much, which is ridiculous and so opposite of the command to hope in Heaven. So i suppose that i'm happy the bible study happens to be about this... i do want to grow. i want to have a biblical perspective about Heaven and eternity that surpasses mental assent and secures itself deep in my soul. i'm just nervous about what it takes to get there.
speaking of, blair recently commented on how unsettled i get about the unknown factor of life. and i suppose that's true. not sure if that needs to change, or if some level of "ahhh!??" is okay when i consider future events? i don't know that it upsets my peace or my trust in the sovereignty of God... it just makes me shake in my boots a little to consider the BIG things ahead of me (like parenthood, my marriage changing, my whole life's schedule changing, etc.)
i made a delicious pesto yesterday from the basil in my garden. i love being resourceful and eating the fruit of the earth! Blair went dove hunting this past saturday, and i'm going to make a dove pot pie this week. i just love all this organic living. :)
and speaking of organic living, there's a couple in my church that i'm beginning to get to know who has a similar mindset and decision making process that blair and i have about life and family. they have 4 kids, and are pregnant with their 5th, and they cloth diaper and use midwives and... well i'm not sure what else yet, but i'm excited to find out. it's nice to know that we have company down here with similar values.
oh. i just realized that my due date is a month from today. fun.
and earlier last week was our 2 year anniversary for moving to texas. weird. how fast it has gone.
i'm so thankful for how our God answers prayer and cares for our hearts. 2 years ago i was an emotional wreck, and my poor husband had no idea what to do with his new wife. having just been married and then moving, which involved changing locations, jobs, churches, friend groups, and community was overwhelming to the both of us, and we both dealt with the change in differing ways. blair overworked himself, and i think i just moped and cried (at least his was productive!) but now we love our lives here, even though it can still be challenging. God brought us to a biblically focused church, developed encouraging relationships with those here at camp, gave us grace over our house to help my little heart feel at home, and gave us satisfaction and joy in our employment. And over all of this He has matured our marriage and trust in each other. How great is our God!
computer's going to die... i should try to sleep now (4:11am).
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